Help! I caught my child watching porn, what must I do?!
New Zealand · CPD points & talks · Psychologists
Our kids and porn – what on earth do we do? What do we say? And how do we advise parents to respond when the dreaded moment occurs and they stumble across their no-longer innocent kid watching porn.
Right now, there are at least at least 4.5 million porn sites on the web with 64 000 visitors per minute. According to a 2019 report 70.7% of tweens and 84.0% of teens encountered nudity or content of a sexual nature online. So while we are not trying to give it the thumbs up, we ARE putting it out there that it is pretty inevitable that most of our kids are going to land where your kid did today. Like anything inevitable, it’s easier if we plan for it, but if we can’t, give yourself a break, pull up your big girl panties and dive in.
We all have different values in relation to porn but some basics prevail when it comes to the big chat – a much harder one than the birds and the bees for sure
Know where you stand on porn before you get into the discussion.
Don’t respond immediately with shock, horror shame or indifference (they won’t buy the latter anyway)
Get real – if they big enough to stream it, they have to big enough to talk about it. This means NORMALISING THEIR INTEREST IN SEX, BUT Not NORMALISING WHAT THEY FIND ONLINE. What you want to get over is there is no need for shame in relation to their curiosity, but that what they are finding is not the real deal. Women and men don’t look that in real life. They don’t act like that either. Talk about how these kinds of images are going to make it hard for them to get laid in the real world, ‘cause women actually like to be engaged as people not life support systems for Vajajays. And guys don’t have to pump it for three hours straight to be considered men. If you can help them understand how porn affects THEM in THEIR lives, not just that it is sexist, you have a much higher chance of being heard.
Its also important to impart (but maybe not all on the same day) that porn is not that different to a drug – our brains need more of it to feel less. And by more in this case, we mean extremes. And then it will be hard to be aroused in the real world, by real girls. There’s no fun in that.
Don’t forget to throw in how important the notion of CONSENT is in the real world, something not often seen in the world that is PornHub.
Lastly, stay away from shaming them –even if your family values abhor porn. The teen years are hard enough without added angst.
Watch our talk on teens and sexting here.
- Pam and Sarah
CalabashCalabash ArticlesCalabash PartnersCalabash ContributorsCalabash SpeakersCalabash TalksCalabash Sign upCalabash Sign inTalk · Promotion of Access to Information Act (PAIA): What health care professionals need to knowClinical Issues CPD talksArticle · Making Peace with FoodAnxiety CPD talksAbout PartnersCalabash · South AfricaCalabash Articles · South AfricaCalabash Partners · South AfricaCalabash Contributors · South AfricaCalabash Speakers · South AfricaCalabash Talks · South AfricaCalabash Sign up · South AfricaCalabash Sign in · South AfricaTalk · An Overview of Sex Therapy · South AfricaAllied Health Professionals CPD talks · South AfricaArticle · Medications for ADHD · South AfricaCOVID-19 CPD talks · South AfricaUploading a Talk · South AfricaCalabash · AustraliaCalabash Articles · AustraliaCalabash Partners · AustraliaCalabash Contributors · AustraliaCalabash Speakers · AustraliaCalabash Talks · AustraliaCalabash Sign up · AustraliaCalabash Sign in · AustraliaTalk · Sensory & Emotional Regulation 2: An introduction to emotion regulation · AustraliaPersonality CPD talks · AustraliaArticle · The Development of Masculinity in Ulwaluko kwa Xhosa · AustraliaVertigo CPD talks · AustraliaUploading a Talk · AustraliaCalabash · New ZealandCalabash Articles · New ZealandCalabash Partners · New ZealandCalabash Contributors · New ZealandCalabash Speakers · New ZealandCalabash Talks · New ZealandCalabash Sign up · New ZealandCalabash Sign in · New ZealandTalk · CBT with Children & Adolescents: Depression · New ZealandPsychodynamic Therapy CPD talks · New ZealandArticle · What is Emotion-Focused Couple's Therapy (EFT)? · New ZealandRelationships CPD talks · New ZealandAbout Contributors · New ZealandCalabash · United KingdomCalabash Articles · United KingdomCalabash Partners · United KingdomCalabash Contributors · United KingdomCalabash Speakers · United KingdomCalabash Talks · United KingdomCalabash Sign up · United KingdomCalabash Sign in · United KingdomTalk · Language Discordance and the Associated Ethical Dilemmas · United KingdomChildren, Teens & Families CPD talks · United KingdomArticle · On Becoming a Play Therapist · United KingdomChild Psychology CPD talks · United KingdomAbout Partners · United KingdomCalabash · United StatesCalabash Articles · United StatesCalabash Partners · United StatesCalabash Contributors · United StatesCalabash Speakers · United StatesCalabash Talks · United StatesCalabash Sign up · United StatesCalabash Sign in · United StatesTalk · HPCSA Guidelines on the Keeping of Patient Records · United StatesMood Disorders CPD talks · United StatesArticle · SAPC Dialogues: Challenges and Innovations · United StatesHand therapy CPD talks · United StatesTerms of Use · United StatesCalabash · CanadaCalabash Articles · CanadaCalabash Partners · CanadaCalabash Contributors · CanadaCalabash Speakers · CanadaCalabash Talks · CanadaCalabash Sign up · CanadaCalabash Sign in · CanadaTalk · Working with Adolescents in Psychotherapy · CanadaCouples CPD talks · CanadaArticle · Understanding Complex PTSD · CanadaCoaching CPD talks · CanadaUploading an Article · Canada
Psychologist in Sydney